ANGKAT KAKI

"Bulan madu di awan biru Tiada yang mengganggu"

pejam celik..pejam celik..
skrg ni dh bulan ke-6 ak keje kat "awan biru" sbg customer service executive.
(ayat skema apahal plak ni..get into emotion kot.adoi)
ye ar . xsangke plak bleh bertahan sampai 6 bln..
most of the time ive spent my life on "awan biru" since the past 6 mths..
or accurately 6 adventurous ridiculous fabulous mesmer-ous beautiful-ous months on "awan biru".

at the beginning i was doubted and asking how long i am going to survive here..
am i going to succeed to finish the contract..
how am i going to adapt here..
am i going to like my job ( ive answered no b4 tis)
am i going to fit in..
am i going to discover what ive been looking for in here..at least a bit of it

i didnt answer the question
but the moments and time i have been thru at "awan biru"
has naturally give me the answer..
it's hard to believe that it is going to the end...
ive juz got all the answer..
but it seems a little too late for me..
if it ends earlier than i thought..it will be such a demostating..
i mean the contract is almost ended
It is renewable.. but the stupid me has asked for not to..
I thought i shouldnt have to..
but at the last minute sumthing holds me to be there..
ive juz found my perfect "gateway" of my lifeless soul there.
but it seems a little bit too late for me..
and now the question
what am i goin to do without it.. huh.

i cherish every moments ive spent at "awan biru"
cant believe ive appreciated at the last minutes.
but still i am blaming my soul's perfect "gateway"
u came out when it has juz started but near to the ends.
it is unacceptable for me and not fair..
ive started to depend on you.
but without the renewal it seems impossible to meet like we're always were.

still cant believe it.
The important part is
I am doing everything I can to earn the renewal again.
(cam company tu bapak ak punye plak. jap nk..jap xnk.adoi)

There will always be a twist in a story
I guess this is the "twist" for me so far in my chapter.
menyusahkan je twist2 ni.
(kalo dpt air twister ok ar la jugak.ilang dahaga)

xoxo
-cyfulnizam-

MEMULAS DAN TERKUCIL***

okay dh lame aku xblog pasal hidop ak..
blk2 bende2 yg mmg reader ak mmg xpaham la en psl bende yg ak blog ni..
been so syok sendiri.. haha.
tp xkesahla.. ak ni kan telus org nye..
ape yg ak rase time tu.. tu yg ak tulis..
lantak la org paham ke x..

korg tau x?
harini hari bersejarah buat ak..
ak sampai awal kat ofis utk shift 7.45..
kire shift paling awal la..
utk buat pertama kalinye selepas hampir 6bln bekerje..kontrak pon nk abis n renew blk dh ni. hoho.
slalunye shift ni la ak paling menyumpah2 skali sbb mesti lateness nye la ak..
dh la kene bgn awal gle.. sbb nk kuar awal..
sbb korg tau je la en jln kat keramat punye dahsyat jam pg2 bute..
tp harini 5.45 ak dh bgn..
ak pun plik gak slalunye ak snooze tp kali ni ak x..
hoho..
ye ar dh 5 hari ak cuti.. off dah ngn annual leave..
terlebeyh rehat kot..
tp tak gak kot..

tepat 7.25 pagi ak sampai ofis..
hehe. sampai2 je ak kene check workstation kat ne..
time tgh check workstation sheet kat board..
ade suare tetibe kedengran
"awal sampai harini!"
senyum lebar je bdak ni kat ak..
TADAAAA!
ak dh tau kenape ak tetibe smangat nk gi ofis ni..
hahaha.
SBB NYE X SABA NK JUMPE BDAK NI LA PUNYE PASAL.
ye la ak cuti pon lame..
dkt seminggu gak la xjumpe die.
die pon tah tetibe je excited je ble nmpk ak.
adoiyai. padehal baru je kenal kot.
die pon baru join ke "menare nerake" ni
bdak fresh la katekan. haha.
bdak team ak gak.. tp arini ak baru je kene rombak team yg baru.. so dh lain team lain2 la ngn bdak ni..SHIT! jadual dh xsame :(

so suppose workstation die jauh sket dr ak..
tp die dudok sblh ak gak..
katenye silau dok kat tpt die..
ok fine.. dudok la sblh ak..
MMG START GELAK2 DOK SBLH DIE..
bahan membahan name2 pelik yg pop-out
but seriiously kalo sehari xjumpe name cust pelik2
kat tpt ak mmg x sah..
NAME OF THE DAY: "MEE SADONG A/L PANGABANG" (agaknye camane ak nk greet cust ni? en mee?)
MMG "A" lah kan kitorg gelak.
tu blom lg email2 forward kat gmail ak..
tak yah citer la.. ak ade dpt psl "PENIS DAY IN JAPAN"
mmg btol diorg ade berarak pegang arca bentuk penis lg..
KALI NI MMG "A+++" kitorg gelak!
CERTAINLY MEMULAS N TERKUCIL KITORG.








PALING TERBAIK!!!


So citenye satu harini mmg ak bantai gelak je la time keje..
act byk lagi yg berlaku..
tp ak amik the best part je.
so thnx tu bdak ni..
afta so long.. i was being such a flat n "emotional disfunction"
now I can laugh again.
too bad our schedule wont be the same again starting on next week.
hurrmmm.
biase la tu bende sronok skejap je..

cool n chill

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

And we used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown, oh
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

note:

I know this song has been awhile ago.
but still.. I like this song..
the lyric comes with an inspirational way..
not so emotional..
it's like the story of two people moving on frm their history..
but i think deep inside of the lyric and frm the video clip..
she hurts..
only rational..
that got her self-control...

the conclusion if only we can do it according to the lyric..
in our real life..

very inspiraton.
time kills the pain.
do u think so?
for me.. i dunno
hoho

xoxo
-cyfulnizam-

no matter what

no matter what i will always stay truth and faith to myself
no matter what i will always believe in myself
no matter what i will always believe in my dream
no matter what there will always be opportunity for me
no matter what i will always speak out for myself
no matter what my words will always be heard eventho others dun care
no matter what there will always be someone cares about me
no matter what they say about me
no matter what they did to me
i dun care and i will always be me.

no matter what, cyfulwhatever.blogspot.com will always be my place to tell my story.
it wouldnt be a matter to me if u read it or not.
it is just a place where you can express yourself

xoxo
-cyfulnizam-

sorrowness

"my inner voice tells me for not giving up and try as hard as I could to get out from the darkness"

"my reality tells me it is hard and it seems like no way out"

"my mind tells me what should I do? Ive tried my best to keep myself happy independtly and nothing seems to be to work out. I try and try and try and try and try again for the last more than 365 days ago but..im stuck... till now..."

New year came again..
It's the new hope for some people..
new resolution..
but not for me
anymore..

I think it is enough..
I keep planning and fucking trying..
for my only resolution..
to keep myself happy..
and to gain self belongingness..
if it's only for little..
then im glad..
but there is still nothing..

I keep pushing myself..
but I just see nothing..
Im not giving up..
but the more I try..
then more Ive failed..
The road seems to be clueless..
Where should I turn to..?

I sit on a bench..
Waiting and keep waiting..
Some people came by but just to drop by..
I tot I could stand and walk away from the old bench..
with the hope of invitation frm the one I hope for..
but not long after they will only say goodbye..
and I sit again..
and keep waiting again..again and again..

i keep blaming myself..
and questionning why..
for who i am..
i cant take it..
and people cant take it..
without any question..
i will be judged..


never ever talk about tears..
no more tears..
no more hope..
Only darkness..
sorrowness..
what left for me..


by,
cyfulnizam
xoxo

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams



Yup this time "fireflies" giv me butterfly in stomach...

All I want in 2009..may not be achieved all on target..
but 1 and 2 arrows has been burst right to the center. another last 1 may not..
No matter what I still have the spare time in 2010..

May be this is too early but Im rarely update my blog..

HAPPY 2010!!!
CYFULNIZAM... THNX TO ME AND I APPRECIATE ME.. AFTER 23YEARS I HAVE A VERY SPECIAL EXQUISITE RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF...NOW HERE COMES THE 24TH CHAPTER I WILL HAVE TO COMMIT...

AT THE END OF THE DAY I LOVE ME...!!!





XOXO
-CyfulnizaM-

*the apocalypse*

"every starting will eventually comes to the ending"

Untuk ak pepatah ni ade btolnye..
coz it happens to me recently.
I was a delightful and my days were full of chocolate moments after Ive met this one person. haha. It felt like I was pull again to the ray of light after ive been awhile in the dark n alone..
but it was so yesterday..
Im not feeling anything like it recently..
yup im back to those dark days again..

We were juz fren.. and nuttin more than dat. impossible to have any kind of special relationship.
but still this person has made my days..
everything has changed now..
I dunno why.. We used to have a meaningful and nice conversation..
but now we only speak like barbarians..vulgar n annoying..
stupid and gross jokes will be the only idea to make us laugh..
huh..

we were not updating with each others anymore juz recently..

texting? haha. we used to text each other everyday evetho there's nutting much to say.. care to one another.. "tgh buat pe? dh mkn?"
but now we will only text if there are important things.
sometimes not at all in a week.. huh.
ak pon xtau kenape jd camtu..
kalo ak text takot nnt die xreply..
tp ak mmg nk text die slalu sbnrnye..

calling? apetah lg.. ive started to try not to call this person.. after being told directly by receiver not in mood to take my call..ive asked y? but being reply there is just no reason..and the best part is this person was laughing telling me that it is enjoyable to let my call hasnt been taken on the next day we were meeting.. wutafuck was dat?
i really need to talk to sum1 kot at dat moments..urghh.
tp xpelah its okay.. it is hard to predict someone's character.

it is really hurt that this person doesnt understand the word appreciation..
appreciation towards time..i will always try to find free time to spend together.
but sumtime it was wasted because this person's priority will always go to the phone whenever we were together.. huh.. it is painful to see this person was busy texting and receiving call for quite sumtime whenever i was there..hello.im still here with u and few other frens kot..
probably i was jealous? may be.. haha. i dunno.
Ive put an effort to see u kot. but u juz blew it off.. quite often. if u only know how to appreciate..adoiyai.

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS I DONT BLAME THIS PERSON TOTALLY. I DID WRONGFUL BEHAVIOR 2. WE ARE JUZ HUMAN. MAKE MISTAKES AND STILL LEARNING.



tp ape2 pon ak syg kot towards this person.
not cinta..haha. i dunno. but mmg syg sgt sbg kawan..
uve made my days. i juz hope a little appreciation frm u..
hopefully everything will be back juz like when we first started to know each other..

we never know what will happens next.

xoxo
-cyfulnizam-