sorrowness

"my inner voice tells me for not giving up and try as hard as I could to get out from the darkness"

"my reality tells me it is hard and it seems like no way out"

"my mind tells me what should I do? Ive tried my best to keep myself happy independtly and nothing seems to be to work out. I try and try and try and try and try again for the last more than 365 days ago but..im stuck... till now..."

New year came again..
It's the new hope for some people..
new resolution..
but not for me
anymore..

I think it is enough..
I keep planning and fucking trying..
for my only resolution..
to keep myself happy..
and to gain self belongingness..
if it's only for little..
then im glad..
but there is still nothing..

I keep pushing myself..
but I just see nothing..
Im not giving up..
but the more I try..
then more Ive failed..
The road seems to be clueless..
Where should I turn to..?

I sit on a bench..
Waiting and keep waiting..
Some people came by but just to drop by..
I tot I could stand and walk away from the old bench..
with the hope of invitation frm the one I hope for..
but not long after they will only say goodbye..
and I sit again..
and keep waiting again..again and again..

i keep blaming myself..
and questionning why..
for who i am..
i cant take it..
and people cant take it..
without any question..
i will be judged..


never ever talk about tears..
no more tears..
no more hope..
Only darkness..
sorrowness..
what left for me..


by,
cyfulnizam
xoxo